Do you put yourself first? Now that may come across to some of you as selfish. So let me distinguish between self-full, selfish, and caretaking/co-dependent.
But first let’s rewind my life back 25 years. In 1989 I started to do my personal growth work with a human potential training company called Lifespring. Prior to that, I played the role of mediator and caretaker with my family of origin. And as a result, I carried that into all of my relationships. When I broke that habit in 1989 my family and friends did not like it.
Fast forward to the late 90’s here’s a personal example of the healthier me. My sister knocked on the door of my bedroom while I was meditating and said “I need you to take me up to the car place right now!” I could have responded 3 different ways:
- Sure, I’ll be right out to take you (caretaking/co-dependent, unhealthy)
- No, I’m in the middle of meditating (selfish, unhealthy)
- I’d be happy to take you after I finish my meditation in 10-15 minutes (self-full, healthy)
And, even today I am challenged at times to revert back to old ways of being.
Does this sound familiar? In what ways are you not putting yourself first? And, if you’re not, is there resentment with others and anger at yourself for not doing so? The first 2 options above do not work if you want to be in a healthy Loving relationship with yourself and others, especially a significant other/partner.
You see, when we’re focused on caretaking for others it’s like writing a check from your bank account with no money in it. Thus the check will bounce. Who do you need to be and what do you need to do to replenish your bank account of self? The other side of the coin is selfishness which is like hording money in our bank account and writing very few checks. Who do you need to be and what do you need to do to open your heart to yourself and others? Wow, a balancing act, right? It gets back to self-love, self-confidence, and taking a stand for yourself by being fully self-expressed.
If you need clarity around this please feel free to contact me!
Light and Love,
Dr. Rusty
